It feels powerful, warm, loving. It feels being a wonderful creator, a wonderful lover, a wonderful woman, a perfect and whole being. It feels a job well done.
It feels safe.
Finally.
Safe in the trust and knowing somehow
that everything is arranged very fine. And all is well.
Everything is arranged in the best way to fulfill a certain purpose that is not totally clear to me what it is. Looking at the big picture I sense that everything is alright, and that this lifetime is a great lifetime because the soul shines brighter than ever. And for this purpose
everything
that happened in this past time since my birth
is the greatest
because it leads to shine on.
Brighter than ever.
It all has lad to save the most important things... to save the space where depth dwells. To save the space where I can connect to the depth of the soul which I am.
It feels beautiful. Marvelous.
It is breaking through more and more times during my days that I spend serving in a lower level.
Working like a dog, being tired and stressed, getting wrinkles on my forehead. Using my body and mind to serve people - in a restaurant, 10-11 hours daily. And when the wrinkles come and the stress comes my energy level decreases, and I forget about my light.
But when the day begins and ends, or when I take a break from running around people, or using my body to it's limits -
than I can sense again and again
the truth of what I am.
And it is brighter and brighter.
Life by life.
Year by year.
Day by day.
It has always been like this, I was just not able to see it, and to live up to this highest vision.
It's like a diamond covered with ash, ground, mud, carbon. And it takes lifetimes to get rid of the outer shells. It is like giving birth. It's hard. It's a lot of struggle.
And there is always a higher vision.
Day by day people come and go by, and I am focused on the highest vision of myself.
Of that bright, deep, loving, wise, abundant, rich, helping and kind being that I always wished to be.
That one who really shares it's unique light with the whole world.
And also day by day things surround my physical form that seem to stop me from living up to my highest vision of myself. Like the running, the "no-time-to-relax", the stress, the tired body and mind, the people who mirror to me the un-high vision of myself, the body that should be put into better circumstances - that can not sit on different toilets because if it does than it gets infection, the body that could work much better in a nice, clean, peaceful, love-filled "space of it's own". And day by day I tell to myself: everything is possible if you really want it. Maybe you have to get the know-how. So it is possible to live up to your highest vision of yourself even in the circumstances that seem to be not right - and I guess they make you stronger, and they teach you through hard lessons how exactly to live up to your highest vision of yourself.
And a very-very secret sense is that "I am" very close. "I am" closer than ever
to be free.
To be "one". To break through. Into freedom, light, knowing - and not knowing at the same time.
To die for an old way and to be born into a new way of existing.
For the great joy of All.
Thank you for sharing.
I love you.
I really do.
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