Day 147. furthermore - complaining

Is it okay like this?
Do we have to do it like this?
Just because we live on the same floor, leaving without saying goodbye?
Just because we've been together very close for five days?
Do we have to get bored?
How on Earth can anyone get bored with another human being? Don't you come up with the usual bullshit now, no, you're not a droid. I see so much beauty in you, and I know it's just a beginning, because everything, always is just a beginning. I see so much life, feeling, love, light in you that I must say you're more human than most of the rest out there. And I never ever could get bored with you. Because it's fun to be with you. Even if there's only silence between us. That's how you know that you really love someone and you really match to each other: that it is awesome even to shut up and sit in silence together.
So do you have to get bored? You are just the same as me because all is One. So why do I do this to myself?
Why does it hurt me so much?
Or is it just my way of seeing?
Or am I way too sensitive and I shouldn't take it so serious?
Should I focus on something else?
Can there be more love?

Maybe inside there's not enough. That's why I'm asking all these stupid questions.
Sometimes we need a little break for to be alone.
I need it too when I am tired and I know that I must be on my own to pick myself up, to put myself together, or to meditate, or do my stuff that I don't want you to participate. And so it is with you.
But if I would go away for a day, after it I would spend a little time with you.
And I wouldn't ever be cold with you. Because love is not cold. Love is not unsecurity. If I feel unsecure around someone, there must be no love around. Than I must leave that circle for my sake and for your sake. As I can't always choose my circumstances but I always can choose my reactions.

By the way you don't get bored with your friends.
You have never enough of them because you love them whithout any form and they do the same to you.
It's always a big question. How to integrate friendship and romantic love that is connected with sexuality? Or to put another way: how to integreate unconditional and non-conceptual, real Love into romantic love that is connected with sexuality? Is it at all possible? Or should we just accept that there are certain rules in these fields that we can not brake? Should we accept that these things are just different? Or it can be done because we are talking about different levels of love? Or even it could be that sexuality is the answer how to integrate unconditional love with the so called "normal" earthly relationship between the two participants of a so called "couple" - although I hate this word - not for my own sake but for the rest of the world that connotes all kinds of things to it.

***

And I'm thinkin': what the hack would consciousness/love do now? Let go of fear sitting in a corner meditating, doing nothing at all but dwell in love, so that I can't even love myself because I am love? Maybe.

And as I'm thinkin' here you are.
So there's no coldy-coldy at all? And I'm just way too sensitive...Or is it still my daddy?...

I'm gonna choose my focus, choose my attitude.

And I'm gonna love myself enough.

As I love You.

***

And how wonderful this world works: if you ask the questions, if you dare to ask them, however painful they can be, however you may hate yourself for asking things like that - you'll get your answers. Because the questions open up your eyes. Open up your mind to find the answers, to hear what have to be heard.
So here are my answers: click here for consciousmedia video with Dr. Eva Selhub

With all my love.

***

...Yes, there is some coldy-coldy as I can feel as time goes by. But why should I care? If anyone does not love me, or does not want to be with me, there's seriously something wrong with them. And that is their choice, their path, and they are free to decide whatever they decide to do, whatever path to walk. And mine is to feel good anyway, and love myself anyway, and don't give a damn about how people react on me, what-so-ever people think about me, and why. Even if it's the closest person. Still I can be the love that I want to see around me. Still I can love those around me anyway.