Day 220.

Dél körül könnyekre keltem.

I woke up with tears in the noon. Do you know when it hurts so much you don't know where to put your body and senses?
And I searched and searched for better feeling thoughts but the pain went weaker only when Aneta came into my room.
Subconscious, good old subconscious still pushing it hard. Pushing the pain-body in the front of my consciousness.
Aneta is a Latvian girl. New friend. Girlfriend of Sergej, guy from the school. Same horoscope like me: libra.
Yes, libra girls are awesome. For me the ultimate representers of the feminin.
Of course my limiting belief sais: all other libra girls but me. Because I'm messed up. And the others not so much.
Calm, soft, intelligent, attractive, smart, faithful, wise, good to talk to, good to hug.

And this pain is coming up in my stomach and heart again and again.
Sometimes more sometimes less.
Sometimes I manage to focus somewhere else, sometimes tears just coming into my eyes - and I cry a river.
Since one week.
More than one week. It still hurts so much...

But I remember what Laura said. She's very beautiful soul. I adore her peace and faith. She believes in all good.
She said everything is possible just belive. And just love.
So I must believe that I can do this.
I must believe in myself. I must believe that I am good as I am. I am here for myself to embarace and love. Just to be at peace. So that this peace can grow and can owerflow me and expand in the outside life. And so does love.
I must believe that everything will be good. I must believe that the love going through me can heal everything in and outside of me.

So here's my prayer to myself and to others:

I'm sorry for creating unloving and bad feeling experience. I'm so sorry for letting fear and pain in. I'm sorry for creating lack.
I love you and I see you as the beautiful, wonderful, shining being who you really are.
Please forgive me for creating the feeling of separation and lack, and in that please release all bad feelings that you hold about me or this situation.
Thank you for forgiving me and in that letting go of any bad feeling about me or this situation. Thank you for the opportunity to see clearly and to heal what must be healed and the enormous growth in wisdom, understanding, peace and love.

I believe that everything will be good.
I believe that I can be free right now because I choose to be. And that is alligned with the highest good so Universe will provide me help to really choose freedom.
I believe that I can find peace inside of me right now because I choose to look upon that. And that is alligned with the highest good so Universe will help me to do so.
I believe that I can truly be true love and so I will experience it on the outside more. And that is in allignment with the highest good so Universe will help me in that.

And I love him truly.
I love him the way he is.
I love him with his choice because it is his choice.
I love him for who he really is. As I see him how he really is, how beautiful, how shining, how loving.
I see only the good in people.
I see only the good in him.

I see only the good in myself. (Or I should.)


Thank you so much for being here.

I love you, I really do.