Day 219. I've got the powah'!

At least!!! At least!!!

I found a thought that I can believe and that truly makes me happy!!!

I am totally grateful, I am so grateful that I can't even express, for whatever is happening.
I am undescribably grateful to his soul that didn't let me stay in that poor state of being. Maybe he doesn't know, and I didn't know either. And of course I still don't know but this thought gives me faith and happiness and this is the only thing that matters.
I am grateful beyond any expression for his soul that he does it for me. Helps me to get back to who I was, who I really am. Helps me find the way to that myself, whom I loved so much and who was and is again full of love, life, freedom and peace, and he or universe or whatever is just so incredibly good to me that they help me see things clearly and get back to my true being.
And that is where I find real peace, love and shelter.
So now I'm crying for how loved I am.
How much is taken care about me. How big guidance I have here.
Because now I not only see things clearer, not only know myself better, but I am better.
I can love myself even more.
For now I can wake up my creativity even more.
I can see my total beauty, sensibility, gifts, talents, the whole inner beautiful world even more. I can see even more how totally loveable I am for that. Because this inner world is the thing that is the most important. I embarace myself in my soul.
And so I can embarace him freely in my soul too. I can love him freely. Whithout any feeling of fear of loss or abandonment.
This feeling and way of thinking is that has to rewrite the old pattern. This is the ultimate way.
And more importantly in future relationship I must stick to this.
To myself.
I must not leave myself never ever again.

I feel love pouring in and out of my heart. I feel it washing away any feeling of separation or pain.
And because of that I feel myself dropping my fears and attachments. I feel myself releasing him in love. In great powerful love, that doesn't know any barriers. And doesn't have any concept or condition. Knowing that this is the real way to be together in love, to be one in love. It's inside here.
And the more I focus on this feeling the more it grows and the more shure I am that it works the opposite way like people usually think about giving. Because the more I give the more I have. And the more it grows the more I can give and so on.
And here there is only sunshine smile on my soul. Here it doesn't matter what you do or don't do. Here the only thing that matters is love.

And I can't describe how beautiful is that. To really experience that I am love. And it feels to be a kind of test if I can really love him. And I see I can really love him. And that's for me and that is good for me. I can love him the way he deserves to be loved and the way that is best for every soul - for mine too.

Now we're going up again.

(And there's a slight sense of everything is alright. Everything is for a reason. And that everything that happened, every step I took, every decision I made was good. And had the meaning to arrive right here where I am now...)