Is it because of how I live? What I put myself into? Noise, not being able to sit alone and sink into Stillness, or just such "small things" like not being able to go to the toilet when i need to?
Is it the energy of the people I surround myself with?
Maybe I really should get away from here.
MAybe I'm too old to live together with very different people. Just not my kind of people.
Or I could choose to watch those part of them which are very much the same like me.
How about choosing better feeling thoughts? Like: they are just the same like me. Isn't it easier to feel like that? Yes it is.
Yes, perhaps it would be better to surround myself with people who are even more similar to me. Or who can draw me upwards and not down. Or be alone where I could just draw myself up and up and up. Like Münchhausen.
But for now I can just choose to accept reality as it is. And not oppose to it because wether I oppose or not, reality just is.
And I can change myself. I never can change the truth of others or the world.
So why don't I feel good?
Because I oppose with the uncomfortableness of living together with five people very different from me.
And it is a very good lesson to stay with myself. To keep the wonderful loving energy I had before.
A very good lesson to keep going back to the wisdom of the heart and possibly stay there.
It was my choice.
Maybe that choice was where I let myself down.
I chose the man whom I love
instead of my needs to not be with people who's energy level has an effect on my energy which I don't like - I don't like it because my energy level goes down.
And I have t invest more and more efforts to bring it back.
So how could I love this?
I could choose to think, I love this because it makes me even stronger, and with this practice I will be able to keep my energy level in most circumstances.
And how about loving and understanding these lovely people? They at last are just like I am. They have needs also. They have troubles - maybe more that I do. Because they do not know all the tools I do. Maybe they don't know the depths of Stillness so well like I do.
And the hardest part: never believe yourself.
Never believe anybody else.
Never believe yourself.
Probably I could go back to the audio books - to learn again about the tools of love, freedom, peace and success.
To do something about it.
To feel better.
To do better.
To think better feeling thoughts.
To change myself if I can't change circumstances.
And I know well already: if I change myself, everything changes.
Best in all:
I know what is it to not leave myself,
to STAY WITH MySelf. Believing All Is Good - and it's all in me.
Thanks for sharing.
I love you.
I really do.
PS: appendix to DREAMS: it is changing day by day but nowdays I feel more and more that I really would enjoy being a successful, rich and good writer and travelling the world so that I can write about it.
Well, sounds like A Dream...
PS2: observation to self-knowledge: after waking up, and before being really awake old patterns run in my brain-mind - shall not be taken seriously.
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