Out of time

If I would not be afraid I would...

I saw a very empowering video today. The title was Discover why you are here.
There was a short little game in it.

People had to find a partner, each of them, and than one after another to share with each other with closed eyes, concentrating to the heart the next sentence: If I would not be afraid I would...
The listener had to give full, undivided attention to the speaker and vice versa. The speaker had to listen openly to the heart and speak uncensored from the heart.

I tried to do with them.
I cried so much...
While thinking the thoughts that came from my heart saying:
If I would not be afraid I would...

- express myself uncensored: I would let people know how much I appreciate, how much I love them, how beautiful, gorgeous and great they are, I would hug and kiss them every day
- always express what I need, I would always say to people what I need from them, I would ask for help if I need help
- I would let people know how much I love the world, I would share my appreciation with them, I would show them how beautiful the world is
- I would let people see how really fragile I am, I would let them know how much I need their love
- I would let the world see and I would just accept that partly I am still that little girl who I was when my father left me, and I would let people see how loveable and wonderful and undescribably shining and unique and beautiful soul that little girl is - although she is standing in line for love, she prays, she begs, she waits so much to be loved forever and unconditionally, she begs for freedom and safety which is unconditional love, she begs to not be left alone - never again
- I would sincerely tell to that one man I love how much I love him and how important he is for me and how much affection I feel for him, and I truly want him to be free, I want both of us to be free, but to be united in love; I would ask him to stay with me through this lifetime, I would tell him he can trust me, and that I am willing to trust him, I would ask him to share with me if he sees a possibility for to be parts of each others lives
- first I would travel to Bali to meet Nóri, and than I would travel the world and I would write down everything, and I would ask Nóri to come with me and she would make the photos and me the writing and we could release a book about our adventures, and if she wouldn't come with me I would find someone who would come travel and take photos with me, someone who would take the risk to just start the journey without thinking about money or future or anything, just to be in the present moment
- I would go to London and search for a record release company and let them release my songs
- I would go and meet and talk to all the big famous and rich people and write about them, I would ask them to give me money because they have a lot and I don't have any so they can help me
- I would go to London, find Jay Kay and be friends with him and ask him to go for a ride (or more) in his prescious Lambos which I love so much, I would ask him to remake the engin in one of them to make it go with bio-mass or water or whatever, and I would write about that too
- I would make a stand-up comedy
- I would learn to be an actress
- I would write books, articles, fairy tales, poems, I would act in Hollywood films and in my own videos to my songs
- I would be popular
- I would be famous
- I would be rich
- I would believe in myself, I would believe that I can do all of this, that I have the power, the time and the creative strength and energy to do all this
- I would be much more sicere to the world, I would not hide my strength, my craziness, my whackyness, my weakness, my sadness and my joy, my dependence on people
- I would just enjoy the present moment and I would not worry myself into depression about my future
- I would just be in the here-and-now and expressively love the people I share it with
- I would rise to the sky like the shiniest star so that I would be visible from everywhere
- I would accept that I am dependent on a good, lasting, safe, afectionate romantic relationship
- I would let the world see how much I want to share my life with them, and how much I really-really wish to share all what is happening to me with one special person
- I would draw and paint more

***

See, I really-really love and appreciate you my gentle Reader.
I wish I would be there or you would be here so I could give you a warm hug, so I could share all the warmth of my heart with you.
You are so amazing. I truly know you are. You are a unique and divine individual. I know you have so much love in your heart and so great creativity in your soul.
And I believe that we are connected, we are one somehow and so if I love you I love myself. If I appreciate you I appreciate myself as well. We are all so wonderful.

So dear and eternally beautiful Friend, let me say,

I truly love you.