X napok - Self construction

Why oh why are boys so afraid of passion?

(Because what I say and what I desire is because of my passionate nature...)

Isten hata mogott. Keleti part. Mou helysæg. Aalborgtol 30 kila.
Munka es vilaglatas.
Ekezetem nincs, mert dan itt a billentyuzet, a wireless meg nem megy.
Tenger mint a Balaton.
Ellentætben a nyugati parttal, ahol mindig szeles, vad æs szikar, itt zold æs csendes.
Takaritok. Kertæszkedek. WC-t pucolok. Festæket csiszolok. Iskolat festek. Itt tartunk.
Legalabb neha nem gondolkodom.
De nagyon ugy erzem, nem tartozom ide.
Amugy egæsz jo. Van kaja æs mæg a lelki egæszsægunkkel is torodnek. Viszenk kocsival ide-oda szabadidoben, meg van billiard meg csocso.

Jelentem, hogy a konnyebb utat valsztottam. De sokoszor figyelmeztettek, hogy nem mindig kell a nehezzebb utat valasztani... mert nem mindig a nehezebb ut a hosszabb, se nem az udvosebb.
O pedig nem mondja, hogy szeret. Nem mondja, hogy marad... ...mert (mæg) nem tudja...

Mindenesetre nem kæne gondolkoznom æs nem kæne fælnem.

Hanem meg kæne talalni azt a helyet belul, ahol csond van, es onnan... TANC.

Nem, nem vagyok teljesen boldog. De persze ez csakis rajtam mulik. Csakis tolem fugg æs attol, milyen nezopontot valasztok, mert ugye a korulmænyeinket nem mindig tudjuk megvalasztani, de a reakcioinkært csakis mi vagyunk a felelosek.

And to go back again to the opening sentence: the best way of not being judgemental is to look only at myself. What do I do?

Well I am a coward too. I am afraid of loss, rejection, abandonment. What do I do with my fears? I can do nothing. `cos they have their own reasons. Just like boys do. We can`t help.

BUT we can choose our focus.

So I choose to focus on good things only.

Like this:

I am love.

I am abundace.

I am safe. I feel safe.

I am magnificence in human form.

I am the perfection of life.

I am beautiful. I am blissful.

I am in a perfectly working and affectionate loving relationship with the man I truly love and respect and who truly loves and respects me. I am loved. I feel loved. I love myself. I feel accepted. I accept myself as I am. We have a living, fun relationship. I found my soulmate. Our values and goals are aligned. We complement each other. He brings out the best in me. And I bring out the best in him.

I am free.

We are free.

We both feel freedom in togetherness, in oneness.

We are attentive to each others needs.

And freedom comes through acceptance.

***

Don`t think, just know.
Dont`t know, just feel.
Don`t feel, just do.
Don`t do, just be.

***

Not desiring is freedom. Freedom from pain and suffering.

Not desiring is happiness.

Not desiring is being.

Being is being. Being IS not-desiring.

Just be.

Be what you want to be.

Be that why you came here to be.

So I AM

blissful

free

love

whole

passionate creator

creator of my own experience

my experience is fullfillment

on every fields of life.

I AM.

I DO.

I GO.

Fear is my greenlight to go.

***

Aaaall these thoughts and truths are only petals of a flower. Petals of my reality...